Am I Glowing?

I am not a good pregnant woman. I think I’m a pretty great mom, but not during these nine months. I love my son, and kids in general, but I can’t sugar coat it…pregnancy sucks. I actually don’t have wild mood swings, crazy emotional breakdowns or even food cravings. I didn’t get any morning sickness with my first pregnancy at all. With this one, I was nauseous for a while in my first trimester, but it only caused me to actually throw up about five times. I know, I know, you’re thinking I have it easy. Let me explain to you how I don’t.

Exhaustion. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Nolan, I put in a month’s notice at work. I spent the last eight months of my pregnancy lying around the house, reading book after book, blazing through my Netflix queue and sleeping. A lot. I felt like I was never going to have this alone time again, I better enjoy it. And I really, really did. Now Nolan is a crazy two year old running around like a mad man and waking up at 6:00 am every single morning. Oh and we’re in the middle of a move. I just don’t have the time to sleep, let alone relax, read, watch movies, etc. I spend my days chasing Nolan, running errands, trying to find things in storage and running a household. My husband (who is a saint) takes Nolan to the park every weekday afternoon when he gets home from work to give me some time to myself and to allow me to cook dinner in peace. If I don‘t take a nap in that time period, I usually play Free Cell on my computer. What’s up with that? It’s like I’m too tired to even think of something fun or relaxing to do. Plus, when I am in bed I’m uncomfortable, so I wake up throughout the night. I’m lucky if I get seven hours of sleep each day (including naps). And that whole “you’re only tired during your first trimester” thing isn’t always true. It was with my first pregnancy. With this one, I haven’t been able to keep my eyes open since June.

Pregnancy glow. No, that’s not a glow, just a lot of sweat. It’s October in Seattle and I’m currently in pj shorts and a tank top while my husband is lounging around in sweats and a hoodie. And I’m sweating as I’m just sitting here…typing. My hair has been in a ponytail for the past three months because it’s too hot to have my hair touching my neck. When I’m out running errands I have to blast the AC in the car before I get out at the next stop. Not normal!

Pregnancy brain. I can’t take this part anymore. The other day it took me a full four minutes to think of the word for towel. I’m like a stoke victim. My brain won’t make the necessary connections to carry on a normal conversation anymore and I just feel like an idiot all the time. It’s so frustrating.

Size wtF? I have big boobs. I’m normally a DD. But with both pregnancies, they swelled to an uncomfortable size F!!! I can’t shop for bras at Victoria’s Secret anymore so you know my bras are U-G-L-Y. I’m constantly popping out of my shirts. My husband doesn’t complain, but I do! At least the pain went away after my first trimester.

Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. This is the absolute worst part. I developed it in both of my pregnancies around twelve weeks. I’m at week twenty two right now and I’m feeling it all day, every day. The pain varies, but it’s always there. The issue is the ligaments that normally keep your pelvic bone aligned become too relaxed and too stretchy and make the pubic joint (aka symphysis pubis) unstable. It happens to most women in their last month of pregnancy to get ready for delivery. It’s all caused by hormones and there is nothing I can do about it. The pain is crazy. It hurts to walk, stand, sit, lie down and especially to go up stairs and to roll over in bed. It literally feels like my legs are tearing apart in different directions (think pulling off Barbie's legs). To try to relieve the pain, I sometimes wear a very sexy pelvic support belt and I’m also supposed to try to keep my legs parallel all day long. Right! Remember that wild two year old I mentioned? I do curl up with one of those giant adult Boppy type things but it‘s just not enough.

Then there’s the rest of the typical things: having to pee every thirty minutes, swollen feet and ankles, back aches, stuffy/runny/sometimes bloody nose, heartburn, and watching my weight go up, up, up.

Wow, what a rant! I don't usually even complain about being pregnant, but I just had to get all that off my chest. I fully accept all of the above pain and discomfort in exchange for my little baby boy that’ll be resting on my chest in February, but I don’t have to act like its peachy. And this, my friends, is why this pregnancy will be my last.

Oh, one good thing I've got to mention…the dreams! Vivid sex dreams about my husband, old crushes, Jake Gyllenhaal and even Taylor Lautner (as hot and shirtless Jacob Black). I know, I’m sick!